A Change of Heart at Christmas Time



Posted: Wednesday, December 30, 2009

by

In our house this year its been just a little different than other years. I have not been full, in heart. Honestly, I haven't even really listened to Christmas music. This 'season', for my family, has not just been a month or so from Thanksgiving to Christmas. It's been a much longer, more tiresome, time capsule. My husband was notified of his pending lay off just before Palm Sunday in March of this year. Funny, seasonally on the calender, we were preparing the way for the Lord in that time too! Now nearly 10 months later we are still preparing the way, leaning, learning what it has meant to walk daily in the manna like provision of God.

This season for us has been many years, really..... as my husband has worked in an industry that has wrung him out, and left me and the kids feeling many times like he was out of town, as I was the only he could really check in with via phone or when he could come home to change and shower before going back out on the job. We cried out for change many times, for something better for our family, more rewarding for Greg, more financially stable and helpful, and felt that the answer came when we were laid off. We were sure that when the severance was done we would be newly employed and this seemingly years long struggle would come to a higher point.

September came and went, and on and on, with only more closed doors, and endless unproductive searches. Our spirits even more broken when a very promising, all to perfect position, came to a close suddenly just after thanksgiving. Coming into December both of us felt very worn, suffocating in the struggle to understand God's way while searching for His will. Each day feeling depressed and yet guilty for feeling that way when we are supposed to be full of the Lord, of His strength, when we are BEING provided for, just enough for every day, and ultimately are saved by Him. These are reasons enough to be light, yet again and again we found ourselves, hands stretched up, hearts heavy, minds wandering, and routely speaking out the motions of our faith. Where was God, where is God, where will He be in this season???

You are thinking wait... this IS a Christmas article, right?

So last night I escaped the yelling and screaming and cajoling at my house between my husband and the kids as he played with them and ran them all over from room to room expending their energy. I needed to get out and breath the air, clear my head, think again. I starting driving to HEB, and thought, okay...... I'll listen to some Christmas music. It gently played in the background as I started my breath prayers of where are you? What do you have for us? What are we really doing? I ran into the stores, waited in lines, felt the muddledness of the 'season' again. Dragging my feet back to the car, and driving away in a huff, I took the short drive back the house blankly. As I rounded the bend to our house, I heard on the radio the sweet melodic chorus of "come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ our new born King".

On the second repeat of the chorus I sang along lightly as tears filled my eyes and choked the words, the meaning of it all hitting me, wrapping its way around my internal coldness, sinking deeply into my heart. A simple invitation. Come and worship. Where is God?...... Here. Where has He been?.... Here. Where will He be?..... Here. All on that moment, so long ago, the King who created the Universe, stepped down into time, and came Here. God with us...Emmanuel. I felt full, like the grinch who been one for many years, and my heart was swelling with the love many more times its normal capacity to hold it in. I felt like one of the weary road worn travelers on the way to the manger, just to get a glimpse and see what I had been waiting for and been looking for in my plights for an answer and a savior from our pain and mess, yet He'd been here all along. God with me, Emmanuel.

To wrap up this Christmas revelation, Its not limited to a month of celebration in December. Historically the wise men didn't even make it there for 2 years! So, a simple invitation. Where ever you are in your walk to the manager, even if you are stumbling, scraped and bruised, or conversely, dancing and skipping on your way. I urge you to come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ the New Born King. Maybe its your first time you would ever even think about coming to take a glimpse, or maybe you have been on this road a long time, and come many times before....... He is Here, God with us, with you, Emmanuel.

Kate Hillegeist is a wife, mom of three, and writer in her spare time.  She was born in California, raised in New Jersey, High Schooled and Graduated from Marble Falls High School in Texas.  Went to The University of Texas at Austin, and graduated with a BA in Post Soviet East European Studies. Kate has traveled to Russia and Uzbekistan, served with Young Life in Asheville, NC, and now lives in Houston. 

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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)
» left by Paul Schroeder
 2 years 14 days ago.
72 fans.
('artical' needs respelling)Thank you for a gentle letdown.
 
My heart and hopes reside with ya'll.
 
May God answer all of your prayers right quickly.
» left by Nenita Wells
 2 years 14 days ago.
302 fans.
Hi Kate. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. He is our hope and our light. Thanks again. ~Nenita~
» left by Mary Mechler
 2 years 13 days ago.
3 fans.
Good luck to you in 2010.  I agree, it has been a trying year for many.  Good luck to you!
» left by Jack H. Schick
 2 years 12 days ago.
89 fans.
May peace be with you.
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